| Author |
Topic |
Merdaneth
Amarr
Galactic Rangers
Galactic-Rangers |
Posted - 2010.02.20 12:14:00 - [ 1]
Night has fallen, but Merdaneth is weary but still awake, keeping a watchful eye over his farm. These few last weeks his farm been plagued by chicken thieves and vandalists and he is determined to catch one in the act. Suddenly he hears movement he switches on the searchlight. The beam illuminates a crouched woman dressed in a camouflage suit.
"Who are you!" Merdaneth calls out
"My name is Sej Jamira." The woman says as she rises, revealing her face.
"What are you doing in the middle of the night, on my farmland?" Merdaneth challenges her.
"Me, I'm just wandering." She returns matter-of-factly.
"In the dark, with a camouflage suit, crouching on the ground behind a bush?" Merdaneth says with raised eyebrows.
"Yeah." She smiles.
"Are you working with these chicken thieves?" Merdaneth asks her
"I am not prepared to answer that question" She returns, smiling darkly.
"Ms. Jamira, I recognize your face. It has been spread on posters in this entire region. You have been spotted in the vicinity of a farm just before it was raided each time. Leave now or face the consequences!" Merdaneth says as he raises his gun.
"No." Sej Jamira responds.
Merdaneth raises his gun and fires a volley in her direction.
"This is an outrage!" Another female voice yells suddenly from behind him. He turns around and sees a fair woman coming out of his chicken run, holding a chicken in each hand.
"Who in God name are you!" He challenges the chicken thief.
"I am Jade Constantine, leader of the Wheat Fraction. The dashing members of our Fraction fights a revolutionairy battle gainst land owners, slave holders and all the imperialist swine who try to tell others what to do! No grain of wheat will be grown in comfort while we are around!" Despite the chicken **** covering her clothes, the woman manages to present herself proudly.
"I've seen you in the media. Weren't you engaged to the wealthy land-owning and slave-holding Amarrian holder Revan Neferis?" Merdaneth asks.
"That is a private matter and has no bearing on my activities for the Wheat Fraction!" Jade yells back in a high pitched squeal while turning red in the face. "You just shot an innocent neutral, that is what matters here!"
"She was skulking in the night on my land, in a camouflage suit, unable to provide a good reason, and she has been tied to multiple raids on farmhouses in the region. She is not 'an innocent neutral'."
"She was a neutral. You just had a clear suspicion. In such a case you should at least give someone 24 hours prior notice and only then shoot after fair warning has been given. Don’t you backwards farmers have any principles? Fortunately for you, the Wheat Fraction has! We don't raid or shoot at people without very good reason!" Jade states angrily.
"But was Sej Jamira working with the Wheat Fraction or not?"
"We do employ people outside of the Wheat Fraction to scout for us and help us on farm raids. However, Wheat Fraction has the principle of not sharing its military secrets with outsider. Therefore I refuse to answer your question." Jade folds her arms.
"You know that refusing to answer the question on the basis of your principles implicates you, right?" Merdaneth asks.
"Regardless, I refuse. Wheat Fraction stands by her principles."
continued.... |
Merdaneth
Amarr
Galactic Rangers
Galactic-Rangers |
Posted - 2010.02.20 12:19:00 - [ 2]
Edited by: Merdaneth on 20/02/2010 16:47:23
"Talking about principles, why are you stealing my chickens anyway, I never did anything to you." Merdaneth continues.
"You did! Farmer Duncan once spat in my general direction and refused to apologize. That is plenty of reason for a highly mobile and ideologically motivated guerrilla warfare operation that prizes flair and courage alongside tactical skill and innovative combined ops strategies." Jade returns.
"I'm not farmer Duncan, what has this to do with me?" Merdaneth to asks, trying to ignore the sudden flood of big words about a simple act of chicken theft.
"You are a member of the filthy and regressive Farmer's Collective just like farmer Duncan, and by joining their organization you took upon yourself all crimes of its member, both past and present." Jade explains.
"So, your altercation with farmer Duncan is not private and transfers to me because we are both part of the same organization?" Merdaneth asks, his head starting to spin.
"Exactly! You should have been more wary of becoming a member of a regressive organization such as the Farmer's Collective. We will hold each one of their members fully accountable for farmer Duncan's lack of respect for the Wheat Faction! There is no escaping Wheat Fraction justice!" Jade proclaims proudly.
"Then how about the rumor involving farmer Evans? I heard that your Wheat Fraction stole from him too. He is not part of the Farmer's Collective."
"You ignorant fool! That was not a Wheat Fraction attack at all. It was an attack by a group within the Wheat Fraction called Cowdalus X."
"But, isn't a group within Wheat Fraction part of the the Wheat Fraction?"
"That is irrelevant. Are you stupid? Cowdalus X did not cease to become Cowdalus X when it joined Wheat Fraction. The conflict with farmer Evans was an issue from their past, and thus a private matter, not a Wheat Fraction matter." Jade answers
"What did farmer Evans do then Ms. Constantine?" Merdaneth goes on, trying to ignore the blatant lack of logic in Jade's reasoning.
"He himself did nothing, but he was a justified target of retribution because he was a member of the organization led by trader Eurzadahn. This vile fiend didn't pay Icarus, the boss of the Cowdealus X, enough for his milking services. Everyone working with Eurzadahn can be freely targeted by Cowdalus X members because of that man's past crime of paying insufficient wages."
"So, other Wheat Fraction members didn't involve themselves with the raids on farmer Evans land at all?"
"No, they did help raid farmer Evans." Jade responds.
"I'm confused now. I thought the matter was private issue from their past? Why then did you assist in the raid?" Merdaneth's brow is furrowed in concentration, trying to comprehend it all.
"Our participation is entirely logical. Perhaps you didn't know, but farmer Evans had the audacity to threaten Cowdalus X members while they were raiding his farm! Our policy clearly states that any threat against one of us is a threat against us all. Farmer Evans threat thus allowed the entire Wheat Fraction to use our the full range of retaliation against him, including theft, destruction and murder. Stupid of him really, threatening the Cowdalus X chicken thieves. As said, the Wheat Fraction stands by its policy and principles. We are not imperialist organizations where individuals are shackled by regressive rules and principles!" Jade yells out, balling her fists and looking defiantly at the night sky.
continued.... |
Merdaneth
Amarr
Galactic Rangers
Galactic-Rangers |
Posted - 2010.02.20 12:24:00 - [ 3]
"I hate to point this out to you, but you just stole my chickens because of an issue you had in the past with farmer Duncan. How is that issue not private, but this Cowdalus X conflict is? You are consorting with a known supporter of all you fight against, how is that private but my membership of the Farmer's Collective isn't?" Merdaneth says, pointing out some of the obvious gaps in Jade's reasoning.
"You have no name, you have no reputation. Your associations are suspect and your intentions transparent. Your are supporting a non-apologist spitter and an underpaying milk trader. As a result your arguments are invalid. You have received all you will receive from me. Derision and pity." Jade intones hotly.
Merdaneth reloads his guns and shoots a volley at point blank range right into Jade Constantine's chest. She crumples to the ground, dropping the stolen chickens.
"Pointless conversation anyway." Merdaneth mumbles as he retrieves his shovel
|
Wheya
Amarr
Bruderschaft des Wahrhaftigen |
Posted - 2010.02.20 14:23:00 - [ 4]
nice story |
Silas Vitalia
Khanid Provincial Vanguard
|
Posted - 2010.02.20 15:29:00 - [ 5]
I must admit, well-written and hilarious. You and that puppet-show performer from a few months back should do a tour together  |
Archbishop
Amarr
PIE Inc.
|
Posted - 2010.02.20 15:54:00 - [ 6]
Simply brilliant... and quite historically accurate in its own way...
Archbishop
|
Nebulous
Minmatar
Salvage Junkies
|
Posted - 2010.02.20 16:06:00 - [ 7]
|
Kyara Armaros
Amarr
Horizon Technologies |
Posted - 2010.02.20 19:21:00 - [ 8]
A very well written, funny, and eye opening story. |
Hash Stanton
Caldari
The PrimeDirective
HYDRA RELOADED |
Posted - 2010.02.20 20:13:00 - [ 9]
I have been intercepting many of the transmissions related to this topic recently and feel this sums up everything in a nutshell. |
Merdaneth
Amarr
Galactic Rangers
Galactic-Rangers |
Posted - 2010.02.20 21:05:00 - [ 10]
Thank you all for the kind words.
My attempt at satire benefited hugely from the excellent source material provided to me by my enemies of the Star Fraction. Credit where credit is due. |
Seraphim Risen
Minmatar
Seraphim Holdings
|
Posted - 2010.02.20 21:36:00 - [ 11]
*giggles madly*
This is looooooooooooovely. Can't wait til Jade shows up with her usual "NO U" frothing at the mouth! Really, she's grown quite incoherent as of late! |
Heartstone
Aliastra
|
Posted - 2010.02.21 01:05:00 - [ 12]
 Originally by: Seraphim Risen
*giggles madly*
Can't wait til Jade shows up with her usual "NO U" frothing at the mouth! Really, she's grown quite incoherent as of late!
Funny thing is I can't imagine Jade will as this satire is both amusing and frankly quite positive and flattering for the Fraction. Love it Merd. Heartstone. |
Sinti Vailatti
MMZ Laboratories LLC |
Posted - 2010.02.21 01:31:00 - [ 13]
You forgot, "And he lived happily ever after." |
Andreus LeHane
Gallente
Mixed Metaphor
|
Posted - 2010.02.21 17:31:00 - [ 14]
Too long, didn't read.
I see that in attempting to lampoon Ms. Constantine you have accidentally absorbed all of her flaws yourself. |
Icarus3
Gallente
DAEDALUS X
Damu'Khonde |
Posted - 2010.02.22 00:35:00 - [ 15]
Seems like it took you quite a while to come up with this considering it's quite a delayed response to the "Justice!" post. You might want to proof read your work first just fyi...
-SF- is so worthless yet you muster up these foul creations? Hmm I'm beginning to think you have a bit of an infatuation. Is it just -SF- in general that you dislike or the fact that no matter what you do or say we live on?
Now if you want to put out a decent post using proper grammar I might just take a serious look into it
|
Merdaneth
Amarr
Galactic Rangers
Galactic-Rangers |
Posted - 2010.02.22 01:08:00 - [ 16]
Originally by: Icarus3
Seems like it took you quite a while to come up with this considering it's quite a delayed response to the "Justice!" post. You might want to proof read your work first just fyi...
Actually, contrary what you might think, I don't read every thread on the IGS. Perhaps I glanced at it previously and decided it was of no concern of mine. Only the recent mention by his eminence in the thread about SF's apparent act of NBSI convinced my to take the time to read it. Originally by: Icarus3
Now if you want to put out a decent post using proper grammar I might just take a serious look into it.
Spelling Daedalus X as Cowdalus X was quite intentional, I can assure you. I also believe the standards of decency were observed. Did you spot any particularly indecent passage? As for you taking a serious look, that is not neccessary. This post wasn't meant for people to take a serious look at. After all, it is satire. You are supposed to laugh at it. |
Andreus LeHane
Gallente
Mixed Metaphor
|
Posted - 2010.02.22 01:36:00 - [ 17]
"Satire"? Do you even have a vague grasp of the meaning of that word? This drivel is so unbearably drab and so devoid of merit that I thought I was reading a eulogy.
For Rodj Blake.
Or maybe that was just wishful thinking. |
Icarus3
Gallente
DAEDALUS X
Damu'Khonde |
Posted - 2010.02.22 01:55:00 - [ 18]
|
Lucius Vindictus
Amarr
Ordo Magna |
Posted - 2010.02.22 01:55:00 - [ 19]
Hehe, that was pretty good. I loved it! |
Silas Vitalia
Khanid Provincial Vanguard
|
Posted - 2010.02.22 06:31:00 - [ 20]
I do hate doing anything to defend PIE, but nonetheless..... Originally by: Andreus LeHane
"Satire"? Do you even have a vague grasp of the meaning of that word?
Perhaps I'm in error, but a several page-long -satire- written by the author might just demonstrate his knowledge of the definition. Originally by: Andreus LeHane
This drivel is so unbearably drab and so devoid of merit that I thought I was reading a eulogy.
...But not so drab as to prevent you from spending your precious time commenting about it? Pathetic. |
Darveses
Jericho Fraction
The Star Fraction |
Posted - 2010.02.22 06:53:00 - [ 21]
On a sidenote, Cowdalus X is recruiting!  Thanks for the publicity, Mr. Merdaneth. *bows* |
Merdaneth
Amarr
Galactic Rangers
Galactic-Rangers |
Posted - 2010.02.22 09:29:00 - [ 22]
Originally by: Icarus3
I wasn't referring to "Cowdalus X". This post had potential but quickly turned into quite the bore.
I know you weren't. However, in intergalactic politics it is considered bad form (and quite a bore besides) to attack your opponents on spelling errors. |
Icarus3
Gallente
DAEDALUS X
Damu'Khonde |
Posted - 2010.02.22 13:28:00 - [ 23]
Originally by: Merdaneth
Originally by: Icarus3
I wasn't referring to "Cowdalus X". This post had potential but quickly turned into quite the bore.
I know you weren't. However, in intergalactic politics it is considered bad form (and quite a bore besides) to attack your opponents on spelling errors.
It was a suggestion, not an attack. Overall essentially I feel this post is rather tasteless but again, had potential. That's all I have to say on this matter. Till next time |
Merdaneth
Amarr
Galactic Rangers
Galactic-Rangers |
Posted - 2010.02.22 16:34:00 - [ 24]
Originally by: Icarus3
It was a suggestion, not an attack.
A suggestion by a political enemy indicating a fault and being expressed on a public forum is usually considered 'an attack'. Spelling errors abound on this summit, however I rarely see people taking the time to point them out publicly. If you actually meant to help me improve the piece, I would advise you to contact me privately with your suggestions. Even if you didn't mean to attack me, to the public at large you pointing out spelling errors would feel like an attack, and a pathetic one at that. Originally by: Icarus3
Overall essentially I feel this post is rather tasteless but again, had potential. That's all I have to say on this matter.
Perhaps you could provide an example how it should be done then? |
Lucius Vindictus
Amarr
Ordo Magna |
Posted - 2010.02.22 23:37:00 - [ 25]
Edited by: Lucius Vindictus on 23/02/2010 06:17:29 Originally by: Icarus3
It was a suggestion, not an attack.
Overall essentially I feel this post is rather tasteless but again, had potential. That's all I have to say on this matter.
Till next time
Tasteless? How so? This is actually one of the more polite ways I've seen someone try to make a point on this channel. In stead of coming here with a lot of froth and hate, the poster decided to try it through humor. He is almost doing you a favor by handing you a platform to counter your detractors with your own humorous twist. But instead of seeing this for what it is you come here and the best rebuttal you have is to criticize spelling? Don't you understand how you look to the masses and why it is so easy to mock you? Don't you really? I highly doubt that, because I know there are many among your number who are hardly stupid. Then why act like it? If you didn't care what people thought you wouldn't post everything you did on the IGS, so that can't be it. Regardless of whether your detractors are right or wrong you must at least see how it looks to us, and how it amuses us when we catch you red-handed doing the same things you so vocally decried when others did them. This story illustrates the absurdity of the situation quite well. I've grown tired of the sheer number of derailed Star Fraction posts on this channel and while I haven't completely stopped reading them (yet), I don't even bother to respond to them anymore because there is no point in adding to a verbal cesspit. And I know of far more people, even those who ideologically could have made good friends of yours, do the same. For a moment I was hopeful that this thread might become the exception where I could converse with you in a polite manner, but you are already letting it slip into the usual downward spiral. You can pretend it's not true all you like, but like the puppet-show we saw not so long ago this is another sign of how your contradictory actions are perceived by the public. Yet you continue to ignore them to your own detriment. It's up to you if you are too prideful to acknowledge it, or whether you will do anything about it. |
Farworth
Minmatar |
Posted - 2010.03.13 17:16:00 - [ 26]
Most certainly a satire. I must admit, I am biased toward SF because they shoot at the same people that shoot at me. However, I find satire fallacious (I'm almost certain that's a word). Humor does not make a person right. Indeed in the post-modern era, it would be difficult to find anything that makes anyone right or wrong. Literature in any form often does take a proper argument and twists it to benefit either the author or the author's ideals. It is important to look at a disagreement through the eyes of your enemy, not as you envision your enemy but as your enemy envisions him or herself. In such a way, one can take a different, albeit highly subjective, view of the matter. While true objectivity cannot be achieved because of the failures of language and experience, it must be aspired to. In such a way we can see past our differences and understand the stances of the opposite sides. In such a way meaningful discourse may be achieved and compromises met.
Still, this is Eve and the object of the game is to kill everyone, burn their tents and take their women. Carry on. |
Tomahawk Bliss
Minmatar
Fates Assembly
The Final Stand. |
Posted - 2010.03.13 17:47:00 - [ 27]
wrong place, you should put this in Fiction. |
Isaac Starstriker
Amarr
Frontier Venture
|
Posted - 2010.03.13 17:49:00 - [ 28]
I'll admit, I chuckled.
Good read. And yet so terribly accurate in its own ways.
|
Goshien Aiel
Gallente
The Black Rabbits Academy
The Gurlstas Associates |
Posted - 2010.03.13 18:24:00 - [ 29]
Edited by: Goshien Aiel on 13/03/2010 18:24:10
Well written. Jade Constantine would probally do a lot better stealing chickens and wheat then trying to lead any sort of military operation. |
Jakiin
Amarr
Khanid Provincial Vanguard |
Posted - 2010.03.13 21:53:00 - [ 30]
I peed a little.
You are as excellent in humour as you are in logic, Lord Merdaneth, a pleasant surprise. I could point out that Constantine didn't come running until you made the whole event public in an attempt to draw some fire from No.Mercy... But I dare someone to put that into satirical context succesfully.
To the Fractioneers: We deal with your arguments and ideals every day, often several times a day. It's your turn to learn how to take a joke. |
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