Posted - 2008.05.16 23:48:00 - [1]

 

Edited by: J''inn on 16/05/2008 23:50:13
How the North Was Won

A true story. Honest.

While spending hours sitting in front of my computer waiting for the lag clear I got to thinking. How the heck are we winning? Trust me. I have been on Northern/Razor/MM/IRON/Everyone-and-their-Mother-TS and the conversations usually involve things that really turn women on. Sci-Fi Movie debates, Pron, in depth arguements over which hybrid ammo to use in certain situations, Vuk latest forum spamming of nude pictures . . . of himself <SHUDDER> . . . etc.

Military geniuses . . . erm . . . no.

So I figured something must be behind our success. Something . . . sinister.

Now this is not meant to be a slam of NC FCs. But come on!! Let's be honest. Last night's discussion about video cards . . . which got ugly I might add . . . really has to be a hint here.

So there I was thinking . . . and drinking beer . . . and smoking these clove cigarettes that I got as a present and which I am now totally addicted too . . . well then there was the two day old sushi . .. And at some point while in deep thought . . . Right around when Kai Lea said "You all are idiots Nvidia's &*^#(&*^#73653567573 chip blah blah" . . . I passed out.

Only to be awoken by an oddly squeaky voice.

Satan: J'inn wake up!

J'inn: But I don't want to go to school.

Satan: J'inn I AM YOUR FATHER.

J'inn: WHAT THE #(*&#_(&#(_#&)#*&^)#*&#

Satan: <snicker> Just joking. But it woke you up.

J'inn: Ummm your not . . . .

Satan: Yes it's me, the Dark Prince, Lucifier.

J'inn: Oh thank goodness . . . I though it was Danny Bonaduchi.

Satan: Acckk!

J'inn: Sorry.

Satan: Anyway . . . I have decided to let you in on our secret. For you see J'inn . . . for a price . . . it was I that won the Northern War for the Coalition.

J'inn: GASP I knew it!!! Wait you said "our"

<a puff of smoke>

Vuk: Hiya J'inn.

J'inn: PUT SOME PANTS ON!!! I swear I have seen your arse more than I have seen my girlfriend's! Wait. . . . actually that's not a very high bar there but . . . PUT SOME PANTS ON!!!

Vuk: Calm down. Look I won't be around as much so I need you to tell Fluf to take over some of the work.

J'inn: Wha?

Vuk: Well I sold my soul to you know who <gestures> in return for a win.

J'inn: Why the heck would you do that?

Vuk: Hey I offered Ernest's but Satan said that he didn't want that <blank> <blank> <blank> within a hundred miles of him.

J'inn: Yeah well I can see that. I mean he is . . . Wait wait . . . You sold your soul for a stupid game!

Vuk: No!!! I got my hot wife also. I'm not an idiot.

J'inn: Okay okay now that makes sense. But still I don't see how you actually affected a game.

Satan: Well for that J'inn we need to go to hell.

<a puff of smoke (which smelled oddly of cloves)>

J'inn: This can't be hell. There's no fire. There's no smoke . . . Wait a frikkin second this is just a huge room full of servers.

Satan: Exactly.

J'inn: Ummm.

Satan: You see J'inn, my purpose is to make people give up all hope. So sure, we have other areas. There's the famine development area. The natural disaster area. And of course the American Idol area. And then you have this . . . . The Eve Server Room!!

J'inn: The . . . Eve . . . Servers . . . are a part of hell . . . . <sputter>

Satan: Exactomundo J'innypoo. Giga upon Giga byte of pure life sucking power. Here allow me to adjust the "lag" button you'll see . . .

<suddenly the distant sound of thousands of screams could be heard>

Satan: The influx of new souls is down so next week we will be issuing a new Eve patch. That should pick up things nicely. Well that and the Manilow sings the 80s release.

J'inn: But But . . . I though Eve ran out of Iceland.

Satan: Nope. Right here. Well except for the Delve Servers. They get special treatment.

J'inn: I KNEW IT!!