Posted - 2008.10.02 23:47:00 - [1]

 

Edited by: San Rintu on 03/10/2008 00:18:34

The rumour mill of the Eve development forum has a habit of churning up much excitement regarding the release of new ships. One major example would be the 'Orca'; a ship touted to be the high sec variant of its big brother, the Rorqual.

Now many industrialists (I've heard the word 'Carebear' could be considered insulting, I like to keep it neutral for the audience) would get overly excited about such a ship's possible existence...some far more than others it would seem.

This is a tale about one of the 'special' ones that could very much be seen in the Darwin Awards this year for an outstanding effort.

So a close corp friend happens to be passing through the Heimatar to Metropolis pocket, minding his own business, maybe even clicking his fingers and shuffling his feet...

Now many of us get the little heart beat missed as we jump the final high sec gate into a low sec pocket...could it be camped? could I get away? The enigma encompasses us all.

So he jumps in to system, no flashy tomfoolers to be seen but one very large icon...

On closer inspection, a Rorqual is sitting upon the Gultratren to Rokofur gate. Now we could only assume that this vexed kitten was attempting to envisage how it would look on the day he could jump his multi-billion ISK ship gate to gate and perform horrific captial drops on naiive asteroids that would even make the likes of Foundation whince.

Our group of roughneck vagabonds were several jumps away. After we got over the session of calling our good friend several expletives for what illegal substances he had taken prior to jumping the gate, we burned at best speed to all expect to fall for a stupid pratical joke.

Low and behold, the long 120Au warp desposited a Rorqual upon the scanner, better still it's still trying to jump the gate once we arrived.

In line with our standard 'AutoCannons first, negotiation later' motto, The Bastards began to lay into the stricken capital.

Not 20 seconds later the bemused pilot ejects from his pretend Orca and is rapidly sent to his nearest clone redistribution centre...along with a lovely bunch of coconuts and a sizeable jar of emo tears.

So the hard part was over? absolutely not.

Much like the wonderful words of Jason Statham 'What do I know about diamonds?', well what do we know about industry? The closest we get is redecorating the odd renegade low sec miner here and there.

After a rather brisk discussion, we furiously rang around the real life friends to secure ourselves a pilot. After an initial failed first attempt, the skill book was bought for an alt...a 1 hour 26 minute skill train for the high intelligence character. So what could we do? no option really but to wait on a busy gate, keeping this multi-billion isk ship locked up...

30 minutes down the line, local begins to get some light chatter, some other local corps begin to arrive and survey the scene. We realise that waiting the other 50 or so minutes is becoming a pipe dream. The phone calls go out again, finally getting in touch with a corpy who's alt can already fly the ship. He evades the dangers of Eve at work to jump clone, move several jumps and pilot the vessel into its new home.

The news that Gultratren is becoming the place to pick up free capitals will probably attract many to seek pastures anew. As for the fateful RorqualcumOrca, it will be placed upon the contracts at a very reasonable price. We warn any future owner to clean the 'specialness' off of it before attempting such rash maneuvers again.

So for any others who wish to 'simulate' what jumping gates in a capital vessel other than a JF would be like, we urge you to proceed to Gultratren where you can meet one of our friendly instructors who will be delighted to guide you through the ship redistrubtion process.

From all of us at The Bastards; good Rorqual pilot, We Salute You!