E-ON #007 coming soon, plus, the ruminations of a friday-addled mind | EVE Online

E-ON #007 coming soon, plus, the ruminations of a friday-addled mind

2007-04-02 - By Zapatero

Brothers and sisters of EVE, must we fight so? Can we not put aside our differences, just for a moment, and celebrate the coming gloriousness of E-ON? A publication so wondrous and ebullient that every silken page is woven with tacit threads of pure love that spread peace among the hearts of those who touch each virgin page - even those cursed with the darkest of ventricle chambers.

...Yes, it really is that good. We've actually applied a patented process that sucks the love vibes from the air and layers them across the pages as they pass through the printing press. It's a bit like scratch 'n' sniff, but in this case the film is so thin that no abrasion is necessary – the lightest of touches will release the Pherome-ons™ into the air and cause the reader to be engulfed in a quiet euphoria not unlike that caused by the inhalation of vapours from freshly-baked bread, spent matchsticks, or popcorn.

But enough of the science lecture. Over the coming days, the MMM team in London will be fully employed in the process of stuffing envelopes and helping postie get them into his van, meaning that should you be in the reckoning for receiving a copy of EVE's official magazine, you may be lucky enough to receive it by the end of next week if you're unfortunate enough to be a resident of the UK – a tad longer for those further afield. (We do actually send the US and RoW issues out first, just to help even things up a bit.)

Rest assured that every conceivable precaution will be taken to ensure that those handling the magazines during the fulfilment process don't activate the Pherome-ons™. You can well imagine the orgy of gentle affection that may result should such a vast concentration of magazines be pawed improperly.